To the one struggling to accept the skin they are in -
I want first and foremost to tell you that you are not the only one who is questioning whether their body is okay as it is now. I know it may seem that the other women and girls you see on social media or in the halls at school have it all together, but trust me: they are just as confused as you are. Learning how to cope with an ever-changing body is a difficult task, but fighting the way God designed our bodies is not the answer to your pain and confusion. I know this to be true both because I have faith that the God I serve does not make mistakes, and also because of my own struggles with body image. At the young age of 24, I have now wrestled with insecurities around my weight and shape for over half of my life. I have chased perfection in all areas of my life, but especially while competing as a competitive swimmer and distance runner. During my teenage years, I put up a fierce fight against puberty to maintain a figure resembling that of the champion distance runners I watched on TV. Society’s thin ideal was (and is) a walking contradiction, which made it impossible to attain. Somehow, I was to appear thin yet muscular, unshapely yet feminine, and fragile yet powerful. I chased after a thigh gap while simultaneously hoping my legs would carry me faster and faster. I starved myself to make myself appear light and quick—all while losing the crucial energy I needed to fuel my workouts. Deprived of calcium, my bones got weaker, which resulted in numerous injuries. I was constantly cold, anxious, depressed, and hopeless. I endured agonizing hunger pains all day and all night that prevented me from being fully present in my life, as well as the lives of the people I loved. I spent my time existing rather than surviving—hurtling toward no other outcome than death itself. I was miserable, but felt trapped in my ways. My reflection and the number on the scale dictated my self-worth, which meant my self-esteem was in a constant state of flux.
I can’t write to you today and pretend I am happy with my body or that all my struggles are behind me. But after waging war with my body for nearly two decades, I have experienced enough to know that trying to change my appearance is never worth the pain it causes. Please remember that God made you to be unique. Don’t try to be like everyone else because you are you. And that is more than enough.
Stay strong.
Sincerely,
Someone who cares deeply about you.
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